Reach Out and Take It
by SubtlePen
Summary: Edward's control is worn thin. One more night listening to his family's intimate activities is more than he can bear. Jasper, distraught over E's ongoing struggle, tries to help him find a new way to cope. Vamp, Pre-Twilight, Slash/Backslash entry


_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name: Reach Out and Take It  
Pen name: SubtlePen  
****Pairing: Jasper/Edward (vamp, pre-twilight)  
****Disclaimer: **_I do not own the Twilight series, or any of the characters created by Stephenie Meyer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story._  
**To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: ****http ://www. fanfiction. net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

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not your typical slash...

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"_Reach out and Take It" by SubtlePen_

**~*~ Jasper ~*~**

I drove into my lovely wife's sweet little sex with absolute abandon. My engorged cock was like steel, my arms clutching her to me with every ounce of my strength, my body dwarfing hers as we consumed each other; she met me stroke for stroke. I drilled her in a way that would have left a human woman's body unrecognizable afterwards, and she moaned in delight. I loved my delicate-featured elfin bride beyond all measure and reason, and knowing she was the polar opposite of that image in bed just made me love her all the more. She was mine, and no one, save me, would ever know this side of her. Well, me and everyone within earshot....

Her filthy words egged me on, and there was no pretense about 'making love.' She'd asked for it – begged, practically. Carlisle and Esme had started it, and I made the infrequent mistake of giving Ali a little taste of the gritty, wanton vibe Esme was throwing off. I'd been absorbing everyone's lust in a variety of forms for weeks, barely keeping my cool, and I was due for a monumental release. Sharing just that one little glimpse of Esme set off my voracious wife. She practically dragged me up the stairs, shredding and discarding our clothes along the way. Emmett and Rose weren't far behind us, inundating me with their own little brand of freaky. That's what started it, at least. Edward, as usual, was the one to finish it.

The last time I'd let it all bubble over like this, we demolished half the house between the six of us over the course of a 18-hour marathon session, and Edward had run off before we _really_ got going. It was intense. Even though we'd retreated to our own rooms, there was no point in pretending we weren't all doing the exact same thing. Each individual orgasmic wave the three couples experienced reverberated through me, was exponentially amplified, then was broadcast outward again until we were three pairs of mindlessly writhing bodies, feeding on each other's desire, insatiable, explosive, ravenous. We full-out _fucked_ until we were all inebriated by the scent of sex, our bodies in complete sensory overload and the house in shambles. It wasn't only the sexual urge that was ramped up, but every associated emotional connection we felt towards our partners, as well. Ali called it "Jasperized Sex." It was an indescribably passionate frenzy, for all of us. Edward disappeared into the wilderness for a solid week afterwards. When he finally came home, he pretended it never happened.

He became increasingly moody the longer we lived in Alaska. Our proximity to extended family, Tanya in particular, had been a wonderful change for all of us but him. He was so hell-bent on assuming her intentions were inappropriate, he made even the simplest family interactions uncomfortable for everyone. Emmett liked to joke that all Edward needed was to finally get laid, but his problem went far deeper than that. I was beginning to think I was the only one that understood just how frustrated he truly was.

This evening was different, and it set in motion a pivotal change in my relationship with Edward. We were all caught up in the Esme-inspired tidal wave I could no longer contain. I could feel Edward oozing self-deprecation and guilt, struggling with the double-barreled barrage of our combined gifts. He not only felt all our lusts through me, he heard our most intimate thoughts.

He'd often asserted that he was able to block a good portion of what was available to him, describing it as an exercise in respecting our privacy. He mastered the poker face, but what he couldn't mask was his own inner turmoil. I knew he made enormous effort to ignore our salacious thoughts on a day-to-day basis, but the onslaught currently underway was more than he could withstand. He was engaged in an internal war with himself; rage, shame, lust, jealousy, desperation, denial, fear, loneliness… all threatening to rend his carefully constructed shroud of pride and righteous indignation.

I couldn't imagine a more desolate existence, and it pained me deeply. I'd known many sexual partners before Alice, in myriad configurations. I'd taken comfort when it was offered, and freely given pleasure without shame. It was a simple fact of my own past, but I could respect his adherence to values that were a link to his human life. At the same time, his exaggerated chastity wasn't a virtue. It was a prison, the bars of which were forged in his repressed human youth, his sentence seemingly eternal. His decades of self-imposed isolation had warped his sexual identity, his mind twisting noble virginity into derision for anyone who yielded to their flesh – he was barely able to acknowledge his own maleness; resolutely asexual. I imagined that he found his cock a bothersome vestige, rendered eternally useless without the human need to urinate. I wondered how he kept himself clean without having to touch it. To deny random, meaningless sex was one thing. To despise your own body was quite another.

~*~ present day ~*~

Ali dragged me upstairs, and I answered my wife's need. We were swept up in the tsunami of lust promising to drown us all, until Edward's disgust drove him from the house. He slammed the front door so hard the solid fir shattered, screaming profanities at us all as he fled. His uncharacteristic obscenity shook me from the fog of pheromones, and I pulled back from Ali's fevered body.

"Jasper, damn you, don't stop…" She groaned in frustration as her fingers took up my abandoned task, then gave up when she realized I wasn't going to resume.

"He left." I sat on the edge of the bed staring at the wall, suddenly overcome with despair for my tortured brother and friend. The house slowly grew silent around us as my woeful mood passively crept through to the others.

She rubbed one hand over her face. "He should have gone earlier. He knew. I warned him. I told him to leave."

"Why does he do this to himself…? I'll never understand."

"I think it's the only way he can stay with us; convincing himself he's disgusted by it."

"I feel sorry for the Madonna/whore that finally claims him."

"She's glorious. I've seen her."

I spun around to face her. "Where? When?"

"He's not ready yet. Neither is she. A few more years… she's still too young."

"A _HUMAN?_"

Alice nodded her head with a smile, then stilled for several long minutes, lost in her visions. She eventually cocked her head to the side and looked at me, amazed. "Go find him, Jasper. He needs you…"

"Needs _me_? He's probably furious with me, Ali."

"No – he needs your help. You have to show him." Her eyes glazed over again, and she turned away.

"Show him what?"

She blinked her eyes hard, put her hand over her mouth, and looked at me wide-eyed. She took a calming breath and spoke. "I love you, Jas. No matter what. Now, go. Find him." She shoved me roughly from the bed, throwing clothes at me haphazardly, urging me to hurry.

Stunned by her puzzling reaction to whatever vision spurred her to push me out the door, I dressed in silence and went into the starlit night to look for him.

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**~*~ Edward ~*~**

I sat there, on the edge of my bed, listening to them, feeling what they felt. I tried not to, but it was too much. Alice warned me, but I told myself I could still master this, _must_ master this: my traitor flesh, my incorrigible desire.

~*~ remembering ~*~

I was fine, before she and Jasper arrived. I knew what they did when they were alone, Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rose. It was easier to ignore then, easier to focus on a book or piece of music to pass the time. I refused to leave. It was tantamount to admitting defeat, even though it mattered little. If I left, Emmett would ridicule my 'alone time,' and if I stayed I was deemed a voyeur. I hated his prurient nature almost as much as I hated my own.

When Jasper and Alice came to be with us, I was cautious at first, as we all were. Alice's gregarious bearing soon won us all over, and Jasper's quiet ease reassured us that neither of them was a threat. His love for history and books certainly encouraged me to pursue his companionship, and I found him engaging in ways Carlisle and Emmett were not. I looked at him as more of a peer than I had ever known before, and I had high hopes for our friendship.

Unfortunately, my high estimation of his character was unrealistic. Within a fortnight of having joined our family, the base instinct to rut expressed itself throughout the entire house, and Jasper's gift presented it's true face. He was a lens through which every impure urge and vile impulse was magnified, sending everyone within his emotive range into a besotted mating frenzy, feeding on it's own flames.

I was repulsed, and my body bewitched. The swollen flesh I'd become adept at willing into submission defied my best efforts, straining, demanding my attention. My hands twitched at my sides, my nails gouging bitter crescents into my palms. I had no idea how long I lay there, panting, but it felt like hours. It was agony. I was losing to the spate of lusts swirling about me, nearly swept from the battered harbor of my resolve. I fled the house, and stayed away until I'd regained command of myself, tempted to never return.

Alice found me, filthy and alone after a week of solitude. Her gentle plea convinced me to go home, and she offered to warn me in the future. I gratefully accepted, missing their companionship terribly.

Our stay in Alaska brought its own complications. Tanya, my 'cousin,' for all intents and purposes, delighted in taunting me. She reveled in flaunting her body, oblivious to my lack of interest. She would follow me in the wilds, my last refuge, no doubt hoping to tryst with me and prove that my continuing refusal was only a ruse, meant to deceive my family of my true lasciviousness. She was sorely mistaken.

I endured the endless months we spent there for the sake of Carlisle and Esme. I loved my family dearly, each of them in their own way, and I did my best to overlook their apparent derision of my ascetic existence. Even Carlisle, an otherwise pious man, once chided me for my behavior. I would have thought he, of all of them, would understand. The notion of 'self-gratification' was so repugnant to me he never broached the subject again.

~*~ present day ~*~

I left the house once again when I could endure no more. My anger got the better of me and I shattered the enormous door in my haste to flee. I ran until I could no longer hear, by my ears or my mind, their congress. I stood in a sheltered glen, my shoulder braced against a towering tree, my pants open and loose around my hips. I struggled to compose myself, staring at my excruciating erection, both fascinated and repelled. I was so tired of this, of fighting this same battle, over and over. The night breeze only exacerbated my problem. My hand twitched at my side, eager to finally sate the urge that more than 80 years of denial could not ameliorate. I was so blinded by my inner conflict, I did not hear him approach.

I had no words for him, and his mind was a tempest. After a few moments silence, he finally calmed enough to speak.

"Edward?"

I nodded.

"I was... worried."

I turned my head and looked at him blankly, somehow disregarding my state of undress. "Someone is always worried."

He came to stand behind me, lightly placing a hand on each shoulder. He leaned in close and spoke quietly. "You can't go on like this forever."

I gritted my teeth and did not respond.

"Do you find it disgusting, expressing physical love?"

I did not answer.

"Do you see something aberrant in how we willingly choose to touch our partners, or ourselves?"

"I'm sure your rhetoric has a point, Jasper. Please reach it."

"Pleasure is not a sin, Edward."

"Ahhh. I see. You think a man-to-man chat about sex is what I need."

"I know what you need, Edward. I'm just not sure why you won't reach out and take it."

"Reach out and take what, exactly?"

"Bliss."

I growled a low warning.

"Have you ever touched yourself Edward? Deliberately touched yourself, as a man, not as a child?"

He released my shoulders as I turned to face him, hastily zipping my pants to preserve what dignity I had left. "No."

"Why?"

I squared my shoulders and looked him in the eye. "It serves no purpose."

"According to whom?"

"What do you want from me, Jasper?" I turned my head away from him, but only succeeded in making myself appear more vulnerable.

"Look at my hands, Edward. Go ahead. I'm not going to hurt you." He held up his hands in the small space between us. "I can kill with these hands. I can plant a tree, dismember a lion, embrace a friend, and help my wife orgasm six ways to Sunday, all with these hands."

I closed my eyes against his all-too-vivid thoughts of doing exactly that.

"Why does that make you uncomfortable, Edward? We're married. We're consenting adults."

"Doesn't mean I need to _watch_. Keep it to yourself."

"Alright, I can understand that. My apologies. I still can't fathom why you deny yourself…"

"I told you."

"I'm going to change your mind." His hand reached down and unfastened his own pants and withdrew himself from them, exposing his phallus to my eyes. I turned away and closed my eyes. He worked himself slowly; I could hear the glide of his palm on his flesh, and I found my arousal renewing.

"What are you doing to me?"

"Nothing. What you're feeling, that's all you, Edward. One hundred percent normal and natural."

"Dear god, just leave me alone."

"Put your hand on yourself, Edward."

"No." I shook my head furiously.

"Put your hand on it or I'll do it for you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"It's just skin, Edward. Like your arm, or your knee, or your ear. It's just a part of your body, no more and no less perfect than any other part. Put your hand on it."

I gritted my teeth, opened my pants and lay my palm flat along the underside of my turgid length, keeping my fingers well away, wincing at the foreign sensation.

"What does it feel like?"

I looked at him, incredulous. "Hard."

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and I felt my hand relaxing, twitching as it did so, and I gasped at the jolt that shot through me.

"What does it _feel_ like?"

I could barely form words. "Electric."

He leaned in towards my ear again and whispered. "Imagine that, multiplied by a thousand."

My eyes rolled back into my head. "God…"

"Why would god give us this, if it were wrong to feel it?"

I was unable to answer.

"Why is _that_ part so much different from any other? Brushing your teeth feels good. Holding hands feels good. A kiss, an embrace, fingernails on your scalp. Why is this, your hand," he placed his own hand around mine, curling our fingers together over my erection, encouraging me to stroke up and down, "any different from this?" He placed his other hand on my cheek. I was startled at the tenderness and intimacy of his gesture, the hand on my face almost more so than the other. I could feel the small puffs of his breath on my face as he spoke.

"A touch. That's all it is. Simple touch." He withdrew his hand from my erection, and his arm hung limply at his side.

"I – I'm...." I was confused, and felt myself involuntarily squeezing my erection almost to the point of pain.

"I'm not trying to make you go out and fuck half North America, Edward."

I flinched at his coarse vulgarity.

"Sorry," he whispered, sensing my discomfort. I was surprised he would apologize for _that_, but not for having put his hand on me, _there_. "I just want you to try, once, and see what you're fighting against. Some day, maybe you'll thank me."

"Alright."

He took another deep breath and let it out slowly, and my head fell forward against his shoulder. It hadn't really dawned on me just how close we were standing until then. I tried to pull back, but I had little room to maneuver.

"Does that, um, feel _good?_"

I looked at him, puzzled. _Wasn't it supposed to?_

"Ease up there, you look like you're trying to strangle it."

I nodded and loosened my grasp, and moaned involuntarily.

"That's it. Watch me."

I was mesmerized by the sight of his long, sinuous fingers cradled loosely around his member, delicately molding to the shape of it as he slowly moved his hand, stretching and then gathering the slightly loose skin; down, up, down, up. After a few strokes, he added a flick of his wrist at the top, gathering the crystal-clear fluid appearing there and redistributing it with his thumb. I found myself beginning to match his pace, hesitantly, until the backs of our hands brushed each other and I was overcome with the reality of what was happening. I was not only _masturbating_, but doing so in front of another person. Another _man_, my _brother_, was doing the same, in very close proximity.

The visual stimulation was overwhelming, so I closed my eyes. I concentrated on my body's cues, marveling that this was the first new physical sensation I'd had in countless years. I catalogued an incredible tension building, my palm and fingers firmly encircling me, delicate skin gliding over rigid tissue, and countless nerves sending messages to my brain that it was scarcely able to interpret. Imperfect friction, throbbing discomfort, bright sparks of urgency, eager anticipation, and a need for _more._

Jasper struggled to keep his mind quiet, no doubt wanting to let me have this experience without the cloud of his emotional influence or thoughts.

"Jasper…" I felt the need to express my gratitude, but I couldn't find the words.

"I know." _Don't stop, Edward. Keep going. Just wait..._

We were still standing close enough that our knuckles brushed together off and on, and I found myself inexplicably matching his pace, seeking to move with him in unison, to forge a reciprocal experience, to share it with him at a deeper level. The thought left me reeling, wondering if those feelings were the result of some latent homosexuality I'd never considered before, causing me to question everything I thought I knew about myself, questioning the existence of some phobic source for my decades of repressed urges.

"Edward..."_ Don't make this something it isn't. Please._

I nodded, and pushed those concerns aside. My head was spinning, and I was careening towards what felt like a state of euphoric unconsciousness, still elusive.

Jasper's thin veil of control was unraveling before my eyes, and I was inundated with snippets of thought and feeling – guilt, lust, secrecy, affection, longing, comfort. My face was layered in his thoughts over Alice's, and Peter's, and Maria's and countless others, men and women; writhing and joyful. He leaned in against me, his face heavy on my shoulder as he groaned my name again.

I'd reached some point of no return, powerless to stop my hand, powerless to push him away, but I knew. In that moment, I knew. There was more to this for him than charitably helping out a friend.

_Forgive me. Please, Edward… forgive me._

My mind erupted, exploding in a burst of energy expelled from the center of my being, inflating me, melting me, fueling the eruption of my body, flooding my hand and his. Jasper gasped and cried out unintelligible syllables as his body released against mine.

I was dazed by my orgasm. It reverberated between us, drawn from my consciousness, melded with his own climax, distilled by his gift and offered back to me.

Bright and warm and soothing and easy.

Calm.

At peace.

_Rested._

And yet, woven within it was his continuing plea.

_I'm sorry. I just wanted you to feel that. All the years you denied yourself, tortured yourself. I just wanted you to know that joy, to let me give you that, to help you allow yourself to have this. I didn't want to hurt you, only to share, only to give… Please, please forgive me._

I stood there, holding my deflating erection, feeling the fleeting remains of our ecstasy, and could not be angry with him. I knew the sincerity of his thoughts. They were as pure and transparent as any he'd ever had. It was as if the world had blown apart, yet somehow fallen back together all on its own, if only a little skewed, a little off kilter from what it was before, as if my new awareness had shifted magnetic north and left us both staggering and vulnerable.

All these years! Wasted, angst filled years, hating myself, hating a normal function I refused to experience. Of all the things I'd lost – my life, my parents, a normal existence, sleep… I still had this one tie to humanity, and it was beautiful. Such a simple thing, and yet profound to discover it, waiting for me all these years, waiting for this man and this moment to awaken it within me, to convince me that it was more right to accept this gift, than to spend eternity refusing it.

Jasper trembled, no doubt relief washing over him at the realization that I didn't hate him.

I could never hate him.

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**~*~ Jasper ~*~**

I was startled by the revelation his emotions conveyed. Pleasure, of course, then awe, and acceptance, and finally gratitude.

Edward pulled off his shirt and used it to clean his hand and groin, then fastened his pants. He folded the shirt and used a clean spot to do the same for me. His touch was almost worshipful. I allowed him to perform the ablution, deeply moved by his tenderness. He showed no hesitation in touching me, thoroughly removing the evidence of our activities, and then refastening my clothing. He dropped the shirt at our feet and took a deep breath.

"I know you love Alice."

"I do," I said with a clear voice. "Like no other."

He looked me in the eye. "I love you, Jasper, as a brother. As a cherished member of my family."

"Yes."

"Nothing more."

"I know this. I never expected…" He cut me off before I could finish.

"Thank you, for this. I know now how difficult it must have been… to wait. To watch all these years…"

I slowly pulled him into my arms, searching for any shred of hesitation or regret, but found none. I soared when I felt him return my embrace, his arms equally tight around me. I allowed myself the luxury of resting my forehead in the crook of his neck, for only a moment, then pulled back. I nodded, and whispered "you're welcome."

I slowly stood away, then turned to walked back the way I came. Before I got more than a dozen yards away, I turned to face him again just as he was about to head into the forest. "Don't deny yourself this, Edward. It doesn't make you weak. There's someone… in your future. Someone amazing. You owe it to yourself to be ready for her, to not be afraid of where it might lead."

"Alice insists I won't always be alone, but she won't tell me more than that. It could still be decades…"

"All the more reason to resist going back to how things were."

"I'll try, Jasper."

"Don't refuse what's waiting right in front of you, Edward. Reach out and take it."

He nodded at my words and disappeared into the trees. Things would hopefully begin to change, for the better. I had a feeling he'd stay away another day or so, but he'd come back to us.

The seasons were turning, and we'd be moving to Washington soon..

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leave me a little green-button love if you were feelin the simultaneous wankage heat.... it makes my goodies jump.

thank you, thank you, thank you to HMonster4 for tweaking my nipples oops i mean pre-reading this little fic, and for making me feel all tingly inside when she reads my stories.... i heart you, bb.


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